All the Horrible Girliness

Many times, I've considered making another blog where I can write anything I'd like, where no one would know it was me, and no one would be offended. I could write about the argument with my husband or mom, or wanting to throw The Bug out the window on long nights.

Also, having The Bug has added a weight to my life that makes my pre-Bug posts feel ridiculous, immature, or bratty. They weren't, really, but they read that way now. I can't post about how Animal Crossing Rocks! anymore.

This is a slippery place. This is where I stopped writing before. Everything I typed had a certain heaviness, a necessary future. I could no longer write a story. I had to finish the story, edit it, print it and send it off to be rejected again and again. The story became a means to making money, though it rarely did, and ceased being fun. That's why I started this blog in the first damn place, I remember now! No one expects good shit from a blog - do they? Blogs are where emoticons convey paragraphs of meaning, where you fill in the blanks: I feel ________. I'm listening to _________.

I got pregnant and this blog got serious, and anyone who knows me can log on and find out that, earlier in the day, I didn't like them. So I censor. Because the problem with being so loved is, you have a responsibility to take care of your loved ones' hearts.

I haven't made the anonymous blog, and I probably never will. But it's on my mind. Would be nice to just fill in the blanks again, for awhile.

posted by Samus @ 9:15 PM