Instead, these days, I'm loving Daxter for the PSP and Animal Crossing for the DS. Handhelds are really all I have time for during the day, anyway, since I can do it while I nurse.
***
I'm so tired tonight, and it's Beltane. Tomorrow is May Day, and the Mexicans won't be going to work. It's all so screwed up and sad.
***
I look down at The Bug. I fan him with a Gymboree pamphlet. I stroke his head and face, study his fingers and toes, sneak my hand up his shirt to feel his smallness, and I know that my own mother did this to me. To my brother, now killing people for a living. I know all this, and life becomes so short in my head as to make me crazy, depressed, insane.
Right now, I might really be in a convalescent home, alone. All day, I talk to the air as if I were talking to my husband, my baby son, my mother on the phone. The nurses cluck and play along. Maybe some day it will be true. Will my mind take me here, to this time?
posted by Samus @ 8:38 PM
7 Comments:
Why is it screwed up and sad that the Mexicans don't work today? Anyhow everyone is getting it all wrong, it's not strictly limited to Mexicans but rather a day for all latinos to honor all undocumented workers whose work in this country is not valued or respected. Undocumented workers are the backbone of the economy is so many industries but they are still treated like absolute shit in this country. I don't think this is sad at all. I actually feel pretty proud of us right now.
It's certainly not the demonstrations that are screwed up and sad, but how it will be taken by the rest of Americans, especially in Middle America, where I'm from. I believe that the way undocumented Latinos are treated these days is just an updated form of slavery. It's screwed up and sad that people think Latinos don't deserve a living wage, and it's screwed up and sad that people like my Dad blame all the country's problems on them.
But, when I wrote that, I was too messed up in the brain to explain.
By the way, I totally love you, Michelle! Did you march today?
No, unfortunately I couldn't get the day off because someone else here was already getting the day off and that would only leave 2 people at work (not that we have that much work these days). Anyhow now I really wish I had because although I understand what you are saying about a lot of Middle America not looking upon this kindly, you can’t worry about their reactions when you are trying to make a change in society. As Latinos we are always either feeling completely helpless to effect change or we’re afraid of stirring things up, getting deported, other people hating us, etc. That’s why it was so nice yesterday to see so many people go out and protest and show a national presence. BTW, I never thought you were racist, it just pissed me off when I thought you were saying this whole movement was screwed up and sad. But now I see that you weren’t saying that at all.
Nah, I didn't think you thought I was racist. It's just the basic public sentiment. For instance: A Latino TV news reporter called out a couple of white radio commentators, saying, "YOU stole our country." Actually, those two didn't steal anything. It's more likely that their ancestors immigrated here legally a long time after the treaty that divided Mexico.
I guess it's a lost cause to change Mexico. I can't help but wonder what a million protestors in the streets there would do. I imagine the government would not be nearly as kind as America's, and that is why they do it here.
These protests, I have to say, were probably a bad political idea. The backlash with Americans who thought illegal immigration was confined to a few thousand guys who came up seasonally to pick produce and send a little money home are outraged at what they saw on television yesterday.
I understood what you said, about being proud of Latinos. Do white Americans have anything to be proud of? I was raised to be ashamed.
It's tiring. White guilt is a real thing. It's hard to go about your business and see the way people look at you, as a white person. They behave as if you didn't earn your station in life. They give you angry, sidelong glances. They don't smile back. If you wave at their children, they turn their backs.
If white, American pride is a bad thing, then Latino pride and black pride and all other racial prides should also be wrong.
I guess I'll just take a stand and say it: I'm kind of proud of European-Americans. I'm proud of our technological and medical advancements. I'm proud of Hemingway and Robbins and Lamott and Palahniuk and dozens more. I'm proud of Benny Hill, Johnny Cash, Paul Newman. I think of Richard Bing, M.D., who left Germany right before World War II because he didn't like Hitler's politics, who immigrated to the United States and immediately served as a doctor in the United States Army, then went on to become one of the fathers of modern cardiology - I think of him, and I am also proud to be a German-American.
No, I'm not proud of most of the American wars. I'm not proud of much of our foreign policy. But I'm proud of America, as a whole. I'm proud of our idealism, our general humanity. We're not a melting pot, but that's the idea. Although I think the media portrayed the marches yesterday unfairly, I am proud to live in a country with such a favorable view of illegal immigration. It's certainly more lax and humanitarian than Mexico's!
Eh, I'll stop. The Bug is going nuts on my lap. But I'm proud of you and your family, Michelle. To come here, to grow up without much, go to college and work hard, that's amazing. Only the most hardcore, idiotic racists would say you don't deserve to be an American. But maybe you can tell me: did the people marching yesterday want to be Americans? It didn't seem so.
I was driving today in a pretty sick daze when I remembered that Benny Hill isn't American. I would have laughed if I weren't feeling so BLAAARRGHGHH.
Wow, I don’t get your previous response at all. First you say that all racial prides are wrong then go on to say how proud you are of European Americans. First you say the marches were portrayed unfairly in the media and then you say that everyone at the marches doesn’t really want to be American. Well I’ll just respond to your last question. I don’t pretend to speak for the thousands of people at the marches earlier this week but I do know people who are in this country illegally and I can tell you that they do want to be Americans. Why else would they risk their lives to come to this country, hoping that their children can have the opportunities available here? Maybe they don’t want to be “American” in the rigid concept that a lot of other Americans propose. What is your definition of being American anyhow? If it means coming here, immediately forgetting where you’re from, not speaking Spanish anymore (or teaching your children to speak it) forgetting your customs and traditions, then of course, none of them wants to be that kind of American, especially if it means giving up your identity. It’s just like all of the assimilation proponents who get so angry when they hear people speaking Spanish. What are they so fucking afraid of anyhow? Did it bother you that there were flags from Latin America waving alongside the American flags at the rally? People are proud of where they hail from. Just like you’re proud of America and it’s accomplishments they’re proud of their countries too. But they’re also proud of America and recognize that is a land of great freedom and opportunities. I think that people of other cultures coming here and making this country their home only makes this a richer country. Otherwise we’d be some bland, boring, homogenized society where everyone is exactly alike. Well obviously you know that I disagree with most of what you posted in the last post but if I argue with you on the rest of it, I will probably take up 20 pages in this comments section. Don’t worry, this will be my last post.
Yeah, I made very little sense in that post. I've been sick. Some stomach flu. I don't think I've managed to get any calories to my brain since Tuesday. Pretty dehydrated, too. Blah.
Anyway, you get the feeling that they don't want to be Americans because of the whole "you stole our country" thing, and the "we didn't cross the border, the border crossed us" thing. Also, it seems there is a nation within a nation. Of course, Latinos should speak Spanish, but if they want to live in an English-speaking country, shouldn't they speak English as well? If they don't, it only separates them.
There are many who truly want Mexico to take back over the parts of America that used to be Mexico. Would that be fair? Maybe. Will it happen? No, it never will. Does that mean they deserve something in the way of reparations? That's up for debate. Do they really want the corrupt Mexican government and rich Mexican families to control even more land?
I won't go back into what I said before because I'm too lazy to read through my own drivel, but I did mean to say that IF white pride is bad, THEN all other racial prides SHOULD be bad. It's a startling revelation to many white people that it's okay to be proud of their ancestors.
It's just a bad, sad situation. I knew it would eventually come to a head someday. You just can't tell citizens, for years, that these wonderful people are simply here to "do the jobs Americans won't do," and leave out the billions spent on illegal aliens in the schools and prisons and hospitals each year.
On the other hand, I think there's more than enough to go around. I think there are a few rotten people getting rich on the backs of hardworking Latinos, and the light needs to be shed on them right now. I don't think Latinos should be marching for the right to continue working for shit wages and welfare; they should be breaking down the doors of their heartless employers.
Another long, nonsensical post. I'm tired. Yesterday I was too tired to even feed The Bug. I took a thousand mini-naps while he played. He even ate a tag off a toy and threw it up. It has been an awful week.
To finish, I've been getting my information about this stuff from non-Latino sources. I don't know many Latinos well. Most of those I've met have been insulated into their own neighborhoods and language and seemed to resent me without knowing me at all. You're the closest I've come to the culture, and I respect you immensely. I hope it won't be your last post, or at least, I hope you'll write me some emails on the subject, because I want to understand.
Okay, I can't sit upright anymore.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home