It started with PMS. And maybe PMS has a good side, because it shakes things up, exacts change, forces you to re-evaluate. I'm not used to PMS anymore. I haven't had it in 18 months. So when it got me, it got me hard. I was pissed off for two weeks.
I'm tired now, and I should be in bed. It's been like this lately. I stay up too late. I can't keep my thoughts together. But I was in the locker room, staring at my hands in the sink, and going into this class where there would be sparring right away, and no one I know, and suddenly I didn't want to do it. Or, I hadn't thought about whether it was what I wanted to do. I was in the PMS rage when I decided to sign up for the sparring. Now, no more PMS, just me in the mirror, looking unattractive, about to go into a hot room thick with sweat, populated by only boys, and fight.
I went anyway. So much of life is done without the enthusiasm required. I went up, I was late, I got into it, I was a noob retard. My first round, I couldn't even jab. I just circled around trying not to get hit, frozen in body and brain. I didn't get much better. I got hit a lot. My shin connected with a guy's knee, and now it really hurts.
I'm not like men. No testosterone to pump me up, get me excited for next time.
Do I want to fight? I don't know. But I'll be back on Wednesday. On Wednesday, I'll decide whether I'll be back the next Monday. It'll go like that.
posted by Samus @ 12:52 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home