So I try to picture him with the eyes of a stranger. I think, are these ears really perfect? Then I obsess on his ears until they look like oddly folded flaps of skin, until his very humanness is under consideration. Then I imagine that I'm an alien looking at my first human. What would I think of a nose? Or fingers?
But that leads me to the difficult realization that I'm still nursing him, as a now-alien, and that would mean wondering more about my own alienness, whether I have milk or battery acid coming out, and so I switch to imagining that The Bug is an alien, and I'm the human, and then I ask myself, if that were true, would I continue to nurse him? If aliens lived among us and one needed me to nurse him to survive, would I do it? Even if I wanted to, could I nurse something purple and globulous with tubes and little mouths everywhere? And, if there were mouths everywhere, which one would I aim for? Would he be able to use both breasts at once? Would that mean he had two stomachs? Or one tube that branched off to all the different mouths? And what would that mean the mother would look like? Would she have corresponding breasts everywhere for the baby's mouths? And if so, where did all of her own mouths go?
In the middle of this internal diatribe, I look down and The Bug is awake, silent, looking at me like he knows what I'm thinking, and he knows I'm insane, his eyebrows all pursed as if to say, "Your thoughts are so fucking loud I can't sleep."
What's really weird is, this has happened to me more than once.
posted by Samus @ 3:11 PM
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