All the Horrible Girliness

Bad Today

It's bad today. I do not need other people in my office to feel bad today, but they do, and my spidey senses tell me I will be staying late to do their jobs.

Felt so good to throw up this morning. It sounds strange, but everyone who's thrown up knows of what I speak: you rest your cheek on the cold porcelain and let out a wavering sigh of relief. You get up and gargle like hell, then make a cheese sandwich.

Saturday night, as befits jet-setters of our nature, was spent in the emergency room. In the first trimester, symptoms can be translated in all different ways, and a few of my symptoms meant I went in for an ultrasound, just to rule out ectopic pregnancy.

I went in with my bladder full to bursting. We'd been making jokes all night, like we do. There was no part of me that believed I'd leave the hospital, call my mother, and tell her everything was fine. Like throwing up, I believed I'd finally see what I'd been expecting: whatever was so definitely wrong this time around. At one point, the doctor went in to the curtained-off section next to mine and announced cheerily, "You have appendicitis!" The woman in the room was giggling a bit within moments. After all that pain, what a relief to hear a doctor proclaim what ails you and then give off the checklist of what must be done to fix it. That is what I expected in the ultrasound room.

Instead, I got a wry, quiet guy who squirted on the jelly, inserted the Dildo Grande into my very self, and announced all in one key: "And there's the pregnancy, in the uterus where it's supposed to be."

It is very difficult, now that I have this assurance, to remember that I am not supposed to be excited, that anything could go wrong, indeed it did last time, and all I did was excite myself and family for nothing.

I hope, in a month or two, that I will look back on this entry with a serene smile for those horrible mornings that are long past. Maybe that's why I'm documenting this.

posted by Samus @ 11:17 AM