All the Horrible Girliness

Today I put my cinnamon roll on the dashboard to heat and drove North. Ended up in Portland. Knocked on Chuck Palahniuk's door, asked to be introduced to that own Geek Love chick.

"Chuck," I said, "and Katherine," (that's it: Katherine Dunn), "take me to your bar, your coffeehouse, your drag show, your writer's group. I could be good," I said. "Some of my shit is truly good."

This girl with the calf-high boots with the Doc Marten tabs out the top, she went with me aways. Not all the way. It was a sad parting, for both of us, in San Francisco. Left her outside Amoeba on Haight. She had black hair with a shock of pink. I was her first girl kiss. I did it out of the goodness of my heart. She was too skinny for me.

"Someday I'll go to Portland and find you," she said.

"I won't be there," I said. "Even if I'm there, it won't be me today. Go to Monterey, instead. Learn to fish."

She will. At least, she who is her today will, someday. She who is her tomorrow, who knows?

***

"Today," I told Chuck and his partner of many years and also Katherine Dunn, "Today I was supposed to pick up diapers, vaseline, and a thermometer."

Flanked by his ducks, making much quack quack about this stranger at the Palahniuk compound, Chuck said we could all go shopping for these things.

"No," I said. "Enjoy your coffee and beer. When I get home, those things will be there waiting."

Katherine said, "How? If you never went shopping for them, and came here instead with the girl, how will the things be waiting for you at home?"

"I who am me today did go shopping for them," I explained. "I am I who was not me today, sitting here now with your ducks."

There was a long quiet, then Chuck said, "I get the feeling the ducks don't belong to me really."

Katherine sank to her knees next to me and pressed her ear to my belly and I said, "I know what you mean."

posted by Samus @ 7:01 PM