All the Horrible Girliness

One thing I learned while having psychological problems a decade ago is, I don't have to think about the bad shit until it becomes a waking nightmare. My psychologist said, "Just don't think about it." And I was like, "I can do that?" She said, "Think about something else." That poor woman. I'd laid a book's worth of terrible angsty poetry on her and expected her to weep into her palms over my poignant misery, or at least to tell me I had tapped into the human experience like no one else ever had, and I needed to turn that writing into someone so they could give me millions of dollars... but I digress. Anyway, this is how I learned to self-medicate with comedy.

For a couple of years, I didn't watch one drama on TV or in the theaters. I listened only to upbeat music, and I worked out every single day, even if it was just a walk around the house or two trips up and down the stairs. That's how I got well, or at least well enough to get back in step with my life. She'd been waiting patiently on the front porch swing of my psyche, popping gum and checking her watch, but when I finally peeked my head out the front door, she didn't give me any shit. She just cocked her head to one side, took my arm, and said, "Let's go. I left the engine running."

I wasn't cured. These bad feelings still tackle me. The difference now is, I believe I have to fight them. So today I popped in "Superbad," because I've been hella whiny lately. And I got the message I needed, though it wasn't what I expected. The message was: "I am McLovin."

There's this pivotal point where the guy asks him, who're you going to be? And he answers, "I am McLovin." From that point on, he is McLovin. He buys the alcohol, he fraternizes with the cops, he parties with the popular kids, he gets the hottest girl into bed, and he shoots a flaming police cruiser. At the end, the cops tell him they knew all along he wasn't really McLovin, but it doesn't matter.

So I'm thinking, if I can get up in the morning and say, "I am McLovin," and go forth, the rest will fall into place. And even though people might know I'm really not, they'll still prefer McLovin.

I think.

I haven't worked it all out yet.

posted by Samus @ 8:14 PM