All the Horrible Girliness

My mother printed out this post and sent it to my brother inside a care package. She told him not to tell me. Then she admitted it to me. No matter how annoyed I am with this, she's adamant that it was the right thing to do. She's taking some high ground where my brother needs to know how I feel about him and also he needs to know how talented I am - these are her words, jesus god please believe me - so it was worth getting me angry.

She doesn't know shit about my relationship with my brother. We've been building something over the last year. For him to see that now, after all that's changed between us since, is... it's just stupid.

I don't rant here about my mother anymore because she read some of the other ones and I felt like eight kinds of shit, but I'd like to ask her: Is this about me and my brother, or about you and your shitty siblings?

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It isn't so much the butting into our business that bothers me, since god knows she was brought up to behave that way. It's the "Don't tell your sister... Don't tell your brother... I don't want him/her to be mad at me." Chrissake, if she doesn't want us to be mad at her, she could try not doing the things that piss us off for a change. She leaves a key under the mat, tells a near stranger, then is surprised to discover that he's been coming in regularly to take showers, dip into her stash of pills, and help himself to her jewelry. She lets drug addicts stay in her house - there are promises of rent money and quick jobs and apartment searches; none of this occurs of course BECAUSE WE ARE DEALING WITH ADDICTS - and then is surprised and annoyed to find that there is drama when she wants them to leave.

All this is not necessarily my business, either, so I don't really get angry like she thinks. It's getting old, hearing her swear she isn't into all the drugs and shit her circle of friends are into (yeah, that happens), but she's an adult and I leave her to her decisions for the most part. But her lies pissed me the fuck off recently, to the point where I don't care if she's still reading this. Go ahead and read on, Ma, because you crossed a line when you didn't let me know that the people who visited us with you are also addicts. Not just alcoholics, but drug addicts as well. You let me invite them into my home overnight. You led me to believe it was safe to let them watch my Bug for me. ADDICTS.

I know how it is. You hang with people long enough, it doesn't seem like a big deal. You make allowances for them. You try a little. You forgive them. Then you forget that addicts are unpredictable, selfish people.

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I'm still trying to figure out what my relationship with my mom should be. I thought I could let her in aways but then I found out she was a liar. It's not easy to see reality when you're up close, but I got it now. I got it.

posted by Samus @ 11:38 AM